Don’t you just admire the medical field? It’s so cutting edge with its cosmetic surgery and stuff, turning your run of the mill Chewbacca into a bachelorette contestant. Well I’ve got news for you. Everything is as original as that that rap song that samples that 17th century beat, that was later sampled by someone else who went on to do a remix.

Here you are thinking that the idea of antibiotics is extremely modern and groundbreaking. When in reality it and some of those ideas are so ancient mummies have traces of them. I’m not talking about taking leeches to treat yourself, because that’s not new that’s old treatment coming back. I’m talking about things like:

5.) Electrotherapy 

Cardi Aid

What do you think about when you imagine electrotherapy? Did you get the image of people in togas curing people with electricity in some first century clinic? Maybe making some adjustments with a little jolt? No one thinks electricity even existed at that time. However, just because they didn’t have hydro electric projects doesn’t mean they didn’t have sources.

               Desert                                                                                                                      Source

Solar maybe

Electric generation is so old it was ancient history in 0 AD. A 2000 year old Leyden jar  was found in 1936 and it was dated back to 250 BC when the Sumer civilization thrived. Leyden jars are used to store static electricity as was later discovered in the 17th century. The Sumer civilization of modern day Iraq must have possessed knowledge of electric generation and storage.

Forget them, maybe 0 Ad is too recent for you In India a text known as the Kumbhadbawa Agastyamuni was dated to 5000 BC and it has proof of electrical knowledge in the region.  The text has instructions for electrical generation and even how to produce light, beating Edison by a few thousand years.

The Greeks and the Egyptians had also understood the fundamentals of electricity and knew how to use that which occurred naturally. Electric eels came in handy for that and they were used to treat some illnesses.
The honor of first civilization to shock their fellow men goes to the Egyptians. As early as 2750 BC they were using it as a painkiller. That’s right; The Egyptians would prod one another with torpedo eels to generate a current that was used to relieve pain.

These weren’t some backyard experiments by some low budget quacks trying to resuscitate The Mountain either. The people doing this were some of the best doctors of their time and they wrote about it in their medical texts such as the compositiones.



Back when Snakes had party horns for tails. It was a different time

In 47 AD the physician to Emperor Cladius of Greece recommended treating gout by using the technique.  You know it’s serious because nobody calls some graduate to treat the emperor. Claudius’s physician, Scribonium Largus, recommended that you step on a torpedo fish until the foot gets numb up to the knee. That way you could at least walk without much of a struggle.  Arthritis was another one of the diseases that were treated using electrotherapy.

Maybe it just came down to I could cut on the mead or I could get shocked till the pain goes away. Either way it was a win-win really, and the techniques were never lost. All the way to the medieval times they were still being practiced and even modern day physicians have found proof that electric shocks help in reducing pain.

4.) Diabetes: Causes, Identification and Management


Diabetes is probably that one disease you never thought you would associate with the olden days. People were starving and shit. How were you supposed to have excessive sugar? You can’t even get your daily fill. To get diabetes you need truckloads of sugarcane and that sweet golden liquor.



So awesome it even glows in the dark

Diabetes is as old as there has been a wealthy ruling class. Not only did the Chinese know about it, but the symptoms were so well known in ancient times they had identified that it came from a poor lifestyle that was rich in sugar, fat and alcohol.

In China, By 645 Ad the medical text Ku Chin Lu Yen Fano had already been written and it mentions diabetes which was known as Xiao Ke.

They also knew that it affected several organs with the kidney and pancreas being the most affected. Doctors at the time had identified excessive thirst as s key symptom. They didn’t have to wait until someone was dying to know of the disease. They already knew that its other more common symptoms were passage of urine, blurry vision and swollen feet. Not only could they diagnose it, they also knew that there were three types of it. One more than what most people know today.

If detected early a simple lifestyle change would be recommended. However, in more advanced cases acupuncture and moxibustion would be recommended. They were often effective in controlling the disease. Their knowledge of the diseases symptoms was extensive enough that they knew of the slow healing nature of diabetic wounds and would not use needles in full blown cases the same way they did in minor cases.

3.) Hormone Replacement Theory


We all know endocrinology; that study of the human endocrine glands and how it affects hormones. It’s through endocrinology that we learn things such as how to control people’s height as well as a brutal way to prevent someone from ever breaking their voice.

Long before your own erectile dysfunction, the Chinese had theirs, and unlike you didn’t have the luxury of an embarrassed actor offering them a pill that could bring out the raging bull in them. They had to deal with it the hard way. They already knew that there were chemicals that controlled bodily functions, and that those chemicals could be taken to cure your disease.  They identified the hormones that the body loses in urine and that menopause could be managed by drinking the urine of a healthy person.

Drinking piss is not yet gone, in fact the most commonly prescribed hormone is premarin, and it comes from the urine of pregnant horses. The name is really just a short form for pregnant mare urine.  Chinese men and women would drink it for its hormone content which could aid with management of menopause. The poor had to contend with straight up drinking another person’s piss. Royalty, however, had options, because what’s the point of being emperor if you’re going to drink piss like a plebian. They would get theirs extracted to crystalline form which they could then take orally.

Ancient Therapy.png


The dignity floats away so discreetly it can barely be seen

They had knowledge way too advanced for their time because their time was 125 BC .

The treatment was used for aging men and women to compensate for their own inability to produce hormones usually leading to an improvement in the sex lives for women.  It is still one of the effects of modern day hormone replacement therapy. Their knowledge of hormones went more than just the urge to get laid though. It was also used to treat Hypogonadism in men as it is in modern day. The therapy is not the only thing we still apply. The methods they developed to separate them were so advanced they are still being used.  They came up with the process of subliming hormones at temperatures between 180 and 300 degrees. While we marvel at their innovativeness we wonder whose idea it was to first drink the piss.



The only reason we are here today is because spoilt princes felt they were above drinking the plebs’ piss.
Thank you spoilt Chinese royalty.

2.) Cancer Treatment


Cancer treatment brings the image of well lit rooms where an MRI, Cat Scan and X-ray are all done by a doctor who tells you that after examining your chart you’ve got breast, buttock, skin, toe or tooth cancer. The doctor does this because that’s the procedure. This is a toxic, new age that has been brought about by man playing God with all the elements, and even making some of his own. Our ancestors who sacrificed virgins to men with hoofs did not have to deal with these problems.

Cigar.png                                                                                                               Source

Eh…Then Again.

In reality, Cancer is not a new age disease, although its prevalence rate might have increased with the increased use of carcinogenic substances in industries.  Greece had identified as early as the 2nd century that breast cancer was curable if detected at an early age and that it could also be terminal if it had spread to the whole body. Until the twenty first century, most forms of Cancer could only be cured by surgical removal, and it was often accepted that it just couldn’t be cured in most cases.



They are setting up shop.

Egyptian texts, dated to be from around 1500 BC, were discovered to have descriptions of cancer along with surgical intervention and treatments written on them. Evidence for the use of surgical removal of superficial tumors has been found during this time. Malignant tumors were treated using different prescriptions. Some treatment was downright supernatural but they also applied poultices, ointments, and enemas to improve the conditions. Ancient Egyptian physicians treated patients for several forms of cancer, and their documents have provided both evidence of the disease along with the treatments administered at the time. They were considered the “fathers of pharmacology”, because what they practiced was more than some homeopathic pseudo science. They had accurate knowledge of the role of antibiotics in disease treatment, and even used some as a daily supplement.


 1.) Placebo Drugs


All this was in the past though. They never had to deal with all the modern mental illnesses that this sappy generation is bringing to the clinic. Doctors nowadays have to deal with hypochondriacs seeking treatment for their fifth prescription for the month, moving from hospital to hospital taking up valuable time that could have been used doing something else.



What you’re seeing is the bullshit you have in you.

People pretending to be sick is so old it was diagnosed in Hippocrates’s time. In fairness, you’d probably develop a few illnesses too if you had to march to a swordfight the next morning. The doctors of the time knew about people feigning illness and thinking they are sick. They already had the placebo drug in place, and had a better grasp on human psyche than you would imagine.

It’s a unique treatment, because of all these no drugs were administered and people got better. It was psychological.  There are records from as early as 400 BC showing that sometimes people responded positively to treatment, even when no drugs were administered.

Homer (not Bart’s father) once gave the opinion that if it was Helen of Troy treating the soldiers then they would respond more positively to the medicine. This really is the heart of modern medicine and why Laura Hutton is the face of menopause therapy instead of a doctor. You need someone pretty to tell you it works and you’re really brave for your struggles. Pharmaceutical companies are without shame getting celebrities to pour their heart out so that you too can find relief like them using drugs you might not necessarily need.

The Nocebo effect was also noted. Unlike Placebo, the Nocebo effect occurs when patients’ symptoms become worse after receiving treatment, or receiving something they believed was treatment. Some people get better with a fake pill, some get worse.




I swear doc those laxatives only made my constipation worse.

The next time you see your doctor and pretend to be feeling sick remember that they had to deal with someone who genuinely believes they are sick and got worse after receiving nothing.